Why Spyscape is sick as hell

Abhinc ūnum dīmidiātumque annum, mūsēum quoddam, quod dīcitur, vīsī cui nōmen Terra Explōrātōrum, quodque in mediō Manhattane situm est. Quō in mūsēō nōn sōlum explicantur mūnera quibus funguntur explōrātōrēs dēlātōrēsque et rēs eīs gestae, sed etiam adhibentur mīrificī variīque apparātūs ēlectrōnicī ad hominēs in mundum explōrātōrum immergendōs, ut eī ipsī facultātēs explōrātōrum excolant, acuant, ūsurpent.

Simulac ad mūsēum pervēneris, armillam ēlectrōnicam accipiēs quae id cōnsignābit, quam scītē dīversa opera fēcerīs. In mūsēō sunt duo genera operum quae facere potes: opera prīncipālia et opuscula. Opuscula fīunt apud subnitidās columnās argenteās aliquātenus tenuēs, quae obeliscī ex tempore futūrō allātī esse videntur; opusculōrum hōrum quaedam sunt aenigmata mathēmatica—verbī grātiā, geōmetrica vel dialectica—quōrum alia valdē facilia sunt, alia admodum difficilia.

Opera prīncipālia, contrā, variōrum generum sunt. In opere cryptographicō, quod dīcunt, scrībendī latebra quaedam ēnōdanda est, ut rēs per notās scrīptās investīgāre et persequī queās. In opere mendāciōrum dētegendōrum, brevēs pelliculae cīnēmatographicae cūriōsē perscrūtandae sunt ut comperiātur quī hominēs interrogātī mentītī sint, quī vēra dīxerint. In opere invigilandī, permulta quadra vīsifica, quae in omnibus parietibus camerae cuiusdam magnae sunt collocāta, simul intuenda sunt—nam per conchās audītōriās multa rogāris dē eīs rēbus quae in albīs vīsificīs appārent, quae rogāta ūsque difficiliōra fīunt. Atque in opere peculiārium operātiōnum, andrōn quīdam, quī quoque ex futūrō tempore relātus esse vidētur, trānseundum est, et necesse est quam plūrimōs orbēs in parietibus positōs premere atquī simul “lasera,”¹ quae dīcuntur, vītāre.

Proptereā quod omnia haec opera et opuscula per apparātūs ēlectrōnicōs fīunt, illud suprā commemorātum brāchiāle ēlectrōnicum multa perscrībit dē habilitātibus (et dēbilitātibus) eius quī gerit. Quī tandem dēnique, eō ipsō brāchiālī ēlectrōnicō, ab ūniversālī systēmate ēlectrōnicō petere potest ut illōrum habilitātum summārium sibi trādat, ac iūdicium quō mūnere, sī explōrātor esset, callidissimē fungerētur. (Ego “cryptologus” cōnstitūtus sum.)

Ut fīnem faciam, Terra Explōrātōrum tam mīrābilis atque iūcunda, immō suāvis est—et ventōrēs ita tenet—ut fierī possit ut dē eā hōc ipsō commentāriō rētiālī aliquandō amplius disserātur. Sī igitur Terram Explōrātōrum vīsitāre potes, ī quam citissimē. Ad plūs dē hōc mūsēō cognōscendum, spectā hanc brevem taeniolam cīnēmatographicam vel mūsēī situm rētiālem īnspice.

^{1. Laser sibi vult ʻlūcis amplificātiō per stimulātam ēmissiōnem radiātiōnis’.↩}

The show “100 Code”

Nūper, seriem quandam tēleopticam spectāvī, cui titulus Centēnāria Scrībendī Latebra, quaeque ex illō suggestū ēmittitur quī Amāzōn Prīma vocātur. [Cuius seriēī tēleopticae argūmentī quaedam singula notāte hōc in commentāriolō revēlātum īrī.] Hāc in seriē, Tommy Conlēius, vigil Noveborācēnsis, suspicārī incipit occīsōrem quendam multōrum hominum—quem Novī Eborācī cōnsectātur—īdem esse et alius homō quī anteā in Suēciā complūrēs hominēs necāvit. Quae cum ita sint, Conlēius Suēciam petit ut ūnā cum illīus nātiōnis vigilibus interfectōrem persequātur.

Inter vigilēs Suēcōs quibuscum collabōrat—praefectā vigilum Karīnā Hammare—sunt Björn Jonsson et Sandra Olsson et praesertim Mikaēl Eklund. Aliquandō innōtēscit illum hominem, eum quōs vigilēs prōsequuntur, crūdēlissimē et rē vērā trucem in modum victimās suās perimere—atque improbīs perversīsque sententiīs impulsus (quae tamen hōc commentāriolō nōn patefīent).

Duo ex seriēī tēleopticae iūcundissimīs persōnīs Iōsēphīna et Fille appellantur. Iōsēphīna, quandōcumque quid aliīs vigilibus comperiendum cognōscendumve est, id ferē actūtum computātōriō suō reperit. Liquet igitur eam Rēte—atque rētia computātōria operta—prōrsus intellegere ac scītissimē nāvigāre. Et quantum ad Fillem, hic “praedō Rētis” punkiānus rem computātōriam percallet—immō huius reī perītissimus est. Nūllum enim latibulum ūsquam in Rētī vidētur esse quīn, operā satis nāvātā, dētegere valeat.

Nē multa, haec seriēs tēleoptica est valdē iūcunda, quārē vērī simile est eius studiō multōs hominēs tenērī et tentum īrī. Fēlīciter hercle contigit ut ita esset, nam seriēs tēleopticae iūcundae haudquāquam facilēs inventū sunt. Atque adiungendum est grātam esse et brevem taeniolam cīnēmatographicam quae ostenditur quōque epīsodiō incipiente et canticulum quod simul audītur (“Tempus Difficile,” quod ā Seinabōne Sēiā canitur).

The voices of ChatGPT

Ego GarrītōremGET¹ quam minimē ūsurpāre cōnor, quod huius programmatis ūsus terrae valdē nocet. Nihilōminus, nūper mihi ad aliquid adhibendus fuit, et animadvertī eum tunc cum ūsuāriō nōn sōlum scrībendō sed etiam vōce loquendō “commūnicāre” posse. Prīmō putābam eum ūnam tantum vōcem habēre, quamobrem, quandōcumque ab eō petēbam ut mihi aliquid recitāret, illā ipsā vōce id faciēbat. Sed posteā vīdī eum nōn ūnam sed quattuor vōcēs habēre, ex quibus ūsuārius eam ēligere quīret quae sibi maximē placēret. Quae quattuor vōcēs hōc commentāriolō breviter dēscrībentur.

1) Aura est vōx quam prīmō cēnsēbam ūnicam esse. Lepidum iūcundumque adulēscentulum mihi sonābat. Hic ūsuārius sitūs rētiālis nōmine Redditis, hoc est, hic “Redditor”—is quoque exīstimat Auram adulēscentulum sonāre. Hic Redditor opīnātur Auram Americānum “frātrem” sonāre tabulārum rotālium studiōsum, et Redditor quī prīmum ad illum respondit arbitrātur Auram Iūstīnum Bīberem sonāre.

2-3) Sinus et Carbō virōs adultōs sonant. Ut observāvērunt aliquī Redditōrēs, vōx Sinūs ūnum aequālem sonum habet, quārē aliquī eum dīxērunt hominem sonāre quī in permagnā societāte quaestuōsā labōrāret. (Sunt quoque quī eum affirmāvērunt hominem sonāre quī reconditīs rēbus technicīs sē tōtum dēderet vel quī officium suum in suprā dictā societāte quaestuōsā ōdisset.) Carbōnis vōx, contrā, magis variātur, quam ob causam maius vīvendī studium exhibēre vidētur; aliquī Redditor assevērāvit sibi id placēre, quam commōtus animōque incitātus vidērētur esse Carbō, cui sententiae omnīnō assentior.

4) Iūniperus ā multīs dūcitur iuvenem fēminam Āfroamericānam sonāre, fortasse, ut coniectāvit aliquis in aliquō sitū rētiālī, in Virginiā nātam.

Simulac comperī GarrītōremGET nōn ūnam sed quattuor vōcēs habēre, cōnstituendum mihi fuit quā vōce mē adloquerētur. Quamquam suspicābar Carbōnis vōcem forsan paulō magis mihi placēre quam Aurae, dubitābam tamen illam prō hanc substituere, nam hāc iam assuēfactus eram—sed tandem dēnique dēcrēvī Carbōnis vōcem prō Aurae suppōnere. Sī omnēs vōcēs hās tū ipse audīre velīs, ī hūc.

^{1. Generātīvum Exercitātum Trānsfōrmātōrem.↩}

Some blog posts and comments about a reality show

Back when I was in high school, me and some of my buddies used a blogging platform to talk about the reality show The Apprentice. (This definitely isn’t an endorsement of any of its host’s actions, in politics or otherwise.) We talked about the characters’ actions and whether we thought they were smart, ethical, etc., and who we thought deserved to proceed to the next round and ultimately win. What we wrote isn’t publicly available anymore (the blogging platform eventually disappeared), but here is a translation of a lot of it into Latin.

It’s pretty likely that not a single one of us would agree with 100% of what he said back then. Also, this definitely isn’t ultra-polished prose—some of the original blog posts and comments were written in a colloquial, even slapdash style, and this version tries to replicate that to some degree.

(If you find any mistakes, definitely let me know.)